Shotgun Diplomacy
by Ajay46
Summary: You wake up one day, and suddenly your wasteland is covered in snow, people are suddenly furrier, and your past is stalking you from a distance wherever you go. Do you A  Find out what's going on. B Save the world. C Kill it all to teeny tiny pieces.
1. The Bladerunner

ANOTHER FALLOUT STORY

If you've never played fallout you may find this story confusing. Or not. Idunno.

I decided my most recent stories are at a severe lacking of ass-kicking.

So I'm going back to the capital wasteland.

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION GO!

Sand whipped up under Alex's feet as he ran, clapping lightly against the stone terrain. Fifty metres below him to the right a metre, was the ground. Just one misstep off the path led to certain death. This run was treacherous alright, and what made things worse, was the dodgy Intel he had received. Intel suggested minimal mutie and raider activities. The dozen pair of footsteps chasing after him was proof that Intel was off.

'Kill the little bastard!' Came a roar from behind as a few stray 5.56 shells whizzed overhead, pinging off the sheer cliff face to his left or soaring away into the D.C. wasteland to his right. He was stuck between a rock and a really far away downwards and equally hard place, and his only way was forwards. He had been lucky so far, these raiders were piss-poor shots. Ahead he spotted the bridge. A giant rope bridge spanning the fifty or so metre gap between this slab of rock and the next, a giant chasm. This was where he was heading. After that was flat ground, where he could sprint at full speed unhindered. More bullets ricocheted above him as he grinned, nearing the bridge now. He was going to make it.

Then he saw them. He saw them on the ridge on ground on his horizon he was running for. Now he was stuck between a pack of bloodthirsty raiders and a mob of bloodthirsty muties. **Fucking brilliant.** The path led straight to the bridge, there was nowhere else he could go. Kill a dozen raiders with a SMG and a deathclaw gauntlet or kill however many Muties there were with an SMG and a deathclaw gauntlet. **No! Bladerunner dammit! You're smarter than this! Think!** The only other way was down. Alex got an idea and swore to himself.

'This'll be interesting…' He replaced his SMG as he neared the bridge and placed his deathclaw gauntlet on his left hand, blades ready to slice. 'Here I go!' As he hit the bridge, he counted the ropes as he passed them. At halfway he lowered his gauntlet to the ropes hanging down (Commas) from the railing rope (the hyphens, see diagram below) to the rope holding up the wooden planks (Underline), and cut them.

I-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-I (Commas are ropes hanging down which are cut… see where I'm going?)

As he reached the end of the bridge, he suddenly stopped and turned, facing the raiders as they came closer, holding the limp rope in one hand.

'A little closer…' He muttered, briefly checking the muties' distance to him over his shoulder. The raiders were on the bridge. 'Go!' He sliced the rope with his gauntlet, grabbed it in both hands, then ran. He ran clear off the side of the bridge and leapt outwards, gripping the rope for dear life as he fell into the canyon. The rope went taught as he fell outwards, his signal to fire. He drew his SMG in one hand while still clutching his rope in the other, wrapping the rope around his fist. He fell around in an arc, then came flying back around, swinging under the bridge and coming back up the other side as the raiders all stood standing on the edge of the bridge facing away, where he had jumped off. 'Hey you pack of cunts!' The raiders didn't turn around fast enough, and as Alex opened fire wildly with his SMG the bullets caught them. Maybe only one bullet each, but the force of one bullet was enough to send their bodies pitching forwards and over the edge of the bridge and into the chasm below. Alex fell back down again, swinging back around to the other side as he raised his SMG again, this time targeting the other ropes hanging down. He hit two of the ropes hanging, and his rope he was clutching fell another five metres lower. He was still a good twenty-five metres to the ground under him. He replaced the clip through an awkward motion, then fired again, managing to hit another five ropes and dropping another twelve and a half metres in two and a half metre gaps. The rope was really digging into his hand now, but he still held on as he emptied another clip and only hit another three ropes. He twisted his hand free and dropped the last five metres and landed pretty softly.

Alex just couldn't help but grin as he looked up to see the muties running across the bridge above him, confused and shocked. And the satisfaction he got from seeing all the splattered raider bodies around him… it was awesome.

'Fuck you muties!' He yelled back triumphantly at them with a fist pump. He quickly ducked to the side as a couple fired off pot shots at him. 'Buh-bye!' Alex checked his backpack was still attached with a sigh of relief. It was still there. Still good. He began off in a dead sprint for the north before any more super muties could take further shots. As he ran out of the chasm into the open wastes, he caught sight of somebody, and grinned. She had made it. 'Amy!' The brunette human looked left towards Alex as he changed course to intercept her.

'Alex?' She appeared shocked as Alex joined her and ran alongside. 'I thought you were on the clifftop route?'

'I was.' He pointed at the bridge as it disappeared from sight. 'Too many raiders and muties, so I came down.'

'Came down?'

'Swing.' He said with a knowing nod, then mimicked grabbing a rope in both hands.

'Shot!' The two raised hands and slapped them together in a high-five with giant grins.

'Always told you I was a ninja.'

'I never doubted you.' She answered with a smile, and then quickly kissed him on the cheek. Alex looked away somewhat blushing.

It was dusk before the two finally arrived at their destination. Fort Constantine, once abandoned, now a thriving mercenary fortress. A man in black combat armour halted the two at the gate, toting a Chinese assault rifle.

'Alex Gisborn.' Alex saluted. 'Bladerunner.'

'Amy Anderson.' Amy saluted. 'The cheetah.'

'Huh, the two quickies?' The guy jerked a thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the gap in the barbed fence behind him. 'Head on in. You know where you're going.' The two nodded in unison and headed in. They waded through the mercs unhindered to a small shack to the side of the main building. The building was surrounded by mercs who were all calling to one another and drinking. Alex and Amy slipped around the back of the shack and moved in through the back door, coming up behind the man in the bar.

'Mars bro!' Mars turned to the two with at first, a frown, but that widened into a grin as he saw them.

'Alex! Amy! Where you two been?' He looked back to his customers briefly. 'The good stuff's here!' The crowd burst into a chorus of cheers and calls as the two kids unstrapped their bags and shovelled out a pile of jet. But not just jet. This was super-jet.

Alex had picked up the recipe from a ghoul who used to own him. The ghoul had bought him from slavers when he was young, and he was a scavenger/runner for him, collecting and searching for his "secret ingredient" for making super-jet. (Sugar bombs). Alex however, had spent so much time in the lab with the ghouls, he had actually developed a mutation. The constant exposure to radiation and super jet had altered his adrenal glands (adrenaline is something big with me in all my stories) so that they actually produced super-jet whenever he released adrenaline, making him a very valuable runner due to his seemingly limitless energy when things got hot. Then one day, the ghouls got in a scuffle with some talon mercs. Despite their bad name, the mercs took him in and removed the slave collar from him. That was a year ago. Now he was a runner for Talon company, transferring supplies from one end of the wasteland to the other through the most hostile environments. They paid him too, which was good. When he wasn't working Alex spent his time in megaton with a friend of his named John. The man who, little did Alex know, was once the lone wanderer.

Then there was Amy. Amy had actually known him when they were about eight and lived in paradise falls. From what Amy told him when they reunited through talon company, the company had intercepted a group of raiders who had bought her. It was uncommon for raiders to buy, but even they were smart enough not to pick with the slavers, who had rebuilt even stronger ever since their destruction by the lone wanderer over seventy years ago. It was 2350 when Alex and Amy met again. Amy didn't like to think about why the raiders bought her, she was just grateful that talon intercepted them before she could find out.

'Here you go kids.' Mars handed a small sack of caps to them each. 'There's two hundred each. Go buy yourselves something nice.

'Thanks Mars.' Amy grinned at the man and followed Alex as he headed out the back door of the shack again.

'All right everybody! The good stuff's here!'

'_Yeeeeah!'_ Came a collective cry as Alex and Amy waded back through the mercs outside the shack and headed for the main building.

'Well that was eventful.' Alex remarked with a grin.

'I'm sure it was.' Amy agreed as Alex led her into the main building and along a corridor on the right. Alex took his room key from his pocket and slipped it into the door, opening it and stepping aside.

'After you.'

'Why thank you.' Amy replied with another smile and she headed inside. The two were always smiling around each other. It was an effect they had on one another. Amy placed her stuff at the foot of the bunk bed inside the room and jumped three rungs on the ladder at the end, quickly climbing on top as Alex slid his things under the bed and fell onto the bottom bunk. He had let Amy take the top bunk, since it was warmer, being higher up. He was willing to be a little cold for her.

'We're not going to sleep right now are we?' Amy asked as she hung down from the top. Her feet hooked around the other side of the bunk to stop her from falling while her torso hung down. Her soft brown hair hung down as she hung upside down, no longer framing her fair face and sprightly grin.

'Nah.' Alex shook his head as he sat on his bed, looking at Amy who looked back… just upside downier.

'Well what are we doing in here?' Alex shrugged.

'What do you want to do?' He asked her. Amy pretended to think for a second.

'Idunno. What do you want to do Alex?' Alex returned her grin as he reached one hand up, touching Amy's cheek.

'How about this?' He leaned forwards, his hand still stroking Amy's cheek as he moved closer and kissed her on the lips. She leaned back into him with a murr, allowing him to take her head in his hands and his tongue intruded the warm softness of her mouth. Alex reached up and took her shoulders and pulled her down, catching Amy as she fell off with a surprised grunt into Alex's mouth. He sat down and pulled her into him as she wrapped her legs around his torso, taking his head in her hands and pulling him into her more. 'Oh god I love you…' Alex gasped as he finally withdrew for a breath, only to be pushed down on his back by Amy as she crawled on top of him, lying on his stomach and making out with him again breathing huskily through her nose, feeling up his torso and shoulder by slipping her hands into his shirt collar.

'I love you too…' Amy breathed as she withdrew for a second. 'I will always.'

*some weeks later*

'Aaagh…' Amy opened her eyes slowly, light peeking through her eyelids as she did. There was one dull fluorescent light hanging a metre to her left and up a bit. 'Alex?' She sat upright slowly, looking around the room. She noticed her watch with a frown. Twenty-to twelve. Alex was training. Amy thought she would be awake early for today, excited about her birthday. But as usual, she had slept in. She didn't even remove her blankets as she just sat there boredly. She had nothing to do. No routes today. No Alex while he was at training. She found herself thinking about him again now. She did that a lot. Imagining him off at some training session. He attended a martial arts seminar from early in the morning to eleven forty five. Amy grinned. So he would be back soon. She lay back down to wait for him, sighing as she looked up at the roof, still thinking of him.

She could imagine him at his session. Watching him. Her standing at the side of the training arena watching him, him out in the blistering sun, loosing kicks, punches, fighting in the harsh sun as it burnt his skin. As he ended his training ended he returned to Amy. He was hot and sweaty from all his training, panting heavily like some kind of animal, like he sometimes would in the sun. She found herself in a bit of a dilemma as the little fantasy in her head grew of its own accord, suddenly involving a lot of stripping clothes from one another's bodies and kissing and touching... then more. Amy banged her head against the wall behind her. She had always told herself she would wait until she was eighteen before she went anywhere. She turned eighteen today, more specifically forty minutes ago. But… **Would he want to?** She wondered with a frustrated sigh. **Does he even find me attractive? He's never actually expressed much sexual attraction… is he frigid or is he just respectful of me?** But through her faith in Alex as a person, Amy found herself believing that second reason, believing he was respectful of her. But it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. The fantasy rolling through her head now was too much. She swung her legs over the edge of the bunk and fell to the ground. She walked to the door and made sure the door was locked first so nobody other than Alex, who had a key, would intrude on her. She then proceeded to strip off her clothing. First her jacket and tank top, leaving her in her bra. She slid one slender finger around her bellybutton, then trailed it up to her breasts, feeling herself a little with both hands and squeaking.

'Oh… Alex…' She moaned as her hands slid into her bra and removed it slowly, still caught in her fantasy. As her hand slid onto her nipples, her other going down to her waistband and slipping her trousers off. She had no underwear, like a lot of wastelanders. It was a rare commodity. She lay down on Alex's bed, fully naked. She dipped a finger gingerly between her legs as she clung to his pillow, moaning and grunting as she inserted her middle finger into her moist pink cunt, parting her soft lips as some fluid coated the end of her finger. She gripped the pillow tighter with her eyes clenched shut as she pressed another finger into her pussy, rubbing at her sensitive clit with the tip before forcing it in. '_Rrrrrr… Alex….' _She growled. Amy was unwittingly falling a little far into her little fantasy, the two of them going at it like animals, pressed up against the wall, but she was still conscious of the real world.

It was midday. Alex wandered about through the hallways of fort Constantine alone. The mercs were almost all outside for some announcement. Now that Alex had finished hand-to-hand combat training, he was looking for Amy. He was excited. In his hands, was a box. A box wrapped in scraps of paper he had scrounged up. He held a huge grin on his face as he walked. **She's going to love this!** Sure it was her birthday. He knew it should be about her, but he still couldn't help but wonder if perhaps she would act on that whole "no sex until eighteen" thing and give him a little present of his own. **No, don't think like that… **In truth, he was shy as hell. He was frigid. He wasn't sure how he would go about doing that.

'Amy!' He called with a hand cupped around his mouth. There was no answer, and Alex's call just echoed around the corridor. 'Wheeeere aaaaare yooooou?' **Oh. No shit Sherlock.** Alex realised and headed for his room. He grabbed the doorknob. It was locked. He removed his hey from his pocket.

Amy turned he head a bit as the doorknob rattled, and she grinned. Surely he wouldn't be able to resist her like this, her lying naked on his bed teasing herself over the thought of him drilling like an animal. The lock clicked, and the door opened.

'Oh…' Alex stopped dead in the doorway as he saw what was before him. 'That's right…' He remembered as he saw the broken bunk lying in half on the ground. The top bunk had somehow broken yesterday while Amy was on it, and she had been relocated until it was fixed.

Amy froze dead in her session as she saw who entered the room. **Oh god no! I moved rooms!** The merc stood frozen himself in the doorway, staring at the young woman pleasuring herself on his bed.

'I was… expecting somebody else…' Amy said weakly as she tried to cover herself with an incredible blush. The merc just stood staring, things racing through his head. He looked backwards over his shoulder then stepped inside. Amy screamed in horror on the inside as the merc closed and locked the door behind him, but nothing came out as he turned back. 'I'm sorry…' she scrambled back on the bed as she apologized In fear, drawing up her knees and hugging them as she half-buried her head In them. The merc slowly walked towards her, a blank look set on his face as he reached the edge of the bed. His hand moved down his body to his waist, and he unzipped his fly. 'NO-' A strong hairy hand slapped itself across Amy's mouth and silence her as the other whipped out the merc's fully erect cock. 'MMMFF! MMMFF!' she tried to scream as the merc's hand jammed itself between her legs, and he rammed two fingers into her already wet cunt causing her to scream as she began crying. Not pain, but out of shame. This bastard was about to take her… her first time with… this… She felt her legs forced apart as she merc knelt at the edge of her bed, and he dragged her a little closer to him. She just couldn't find the will or strength to fight against him. She had her eyes clenched shut, but they snapped open as she felt the thing press against her entrance, eyeing it in horror.

He continued along further to an intersection. He looked left, then right. Nobody. 'Amy!' There was a sound. Alex fast walked along the corridor on the left, listening intently for the sound.

'_Mmmf-'_

'What the…' He pressed his ear against a door. 'Amy! Are you in there?'

'_Mmmff mmf!'_ Alex grabbed the doorknob and twisted it violently. His palm just slid over it with nothing to grip, sweaty from his hand-to-hand combat training exercises he had just finished. But the door was locked.

'Amy are you in there?'

'Ale-_mmf!'_ Alex threw the box aside and stepped back immediately and ran forwards, slamming into the door with a shoulder barge and almost breaking it off its hinges. He stepped back and kicked the door as he fell towards it, smashing it into the room.

'Oh crap…' The talon merc mouthed as he saw Alex's look of rage. Amy lay crying and naked on the bed in front of him lying on her back with the merc spreading her legs. (You can't call me a masochist. I did that femdom story also to counter out these masochist examples) Alex ripped inside.

'YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT!' Alex ran for him and drew his SMG as the merc drew his assault rifle and pointed back, creating a stalemate as Alex stopped, seething with fury and breathing heavily, just wanting to smash his face in. Amy quickly crawled off her bed and grabbed something, then held it up. Her own SMG. She pointed it at the merc. The merc looked back and forth between the two, the incredibly pissed and furious guy who looked crazy, and the incredible furious angry chick who was closer to him. He spun and fired. 'NO!' Alex for him. 'NOOOOO!' He grabbed the rifle from the merc's hands and swung it with full strength, shattering the stock on impact against the merc's head in a rain of shrapnel and killing him instantly with brutal force. 'NO DAMMIT AMY!' He took Amy's lifeless head in his hands and held it to his body, bawling and crying as he hugged it. 'NO NO NO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME AMY!' He pleaded as his tears tell down his face onto her. 'Please don't do this to me… you're my friend… please don't… please don't die on me… please don't do this… I can't live without you…' Amy didn't answer, because she was dead. 'Amy please don't leave me! You're my best friend! Please! I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! DON'T DIE ON ME...!'

But Alex couldn't do anything. Amy was dead, and nothing in this world was going to bring her back.

And so, on that day a new man was born. A man without faith in any god, and a profound belief held inside him. Life… life was a bitch. Life had taken that of his closest friend. It had taken the woman he loved. And now it owed him. Alex somehow managed to find happiness though. Life was a bitch, and so whenever Alex found something happy or fun, it meant he was beating life. He was showing that bitch he could still enjoy himself… partly. After that day Alex killed his combat trainer in a training exercise, overwhelmed by fury, and then took out another dozen talon mercs and ran away. Since then, he roamed the wastes, eventually fitting in with an independent merc band known as "Reese's rangers". He was with them for a while, but long story short: there was a fight. Alex came out alive. Nobody else did. Then, one day, one fateful day, he met a guy by the name of Jaiden.

And so, at that moment, Shotgun diplomacy was born.

This is Alex. Alex is the first.


	2. Chainsaw time!

ANOTHER FALLOUT STORY

If you've never played fallout you may find this story confusing. Or not. Idunno.

I do not own any of the material in this story(fallout mainly. Bethesda softworks owns), just the story itself. Hey, I own a story. KICK ASS!

WARNING!

Contains so much excessive profanity and swearing that after reading this you may be rendered unable to actually register or pick up curses as you read anything else ever again. Fuck it's fucking hard for me to fucking edit. When I edit I sort of go through and place curses in everybody's dialogue, but now I miss out the swear words and double up too many times because I miss existing swears.

On that note, does anybody know any interesting curses I could use alongside writing "fuck" so many times? It doesn't have to mean anything really, just something insulting sounding.

This story is restricted to those of (insert however the fuck old you are here) and over. Contains sexual themes, coarse language and strong to extreme ass-kicking gory violence. Hopefully. My recent stories have all been about "feelings", whatever those are. Meh.

Needs more can-of-whoopass.

'HEY Shirley! Behind you!'

'You furking piece of SHIYT!' There was a loud gunshot, and a few seconds of silence… 'EH!' Came a call from under a scaly pile of flesh.

'Second one incoming!' A dark skinned man twirled as he heard the call from somewhere behind him. He noticed the deathclaw immediately, but it wasn't a problem. (if you haven't played fallout (you should), like this dinosaur-ish thing that charges at you with massive claws that leaps at you and tries to bear hug you… with claws) The deathclaw was charging for him, but charging for the deathclaw, was a teenage boy, something metallic held above his head. 'YO MOTHERFUCKA!' The boy swung his weapon overhead in an arc as the deathclaw shot past him, and struck its leg. The deathclaw's leg severed itself as the boy's weapon sliced through it with a whine, blood flying everywhere. The deathclaw landed and tumbled onto its back. Before it could lash out at its attacker, the attacker had already lunged at it first with a bloodthirsty scream. The boy plunged his weapon straight into the beast's stomach, and the whirring blades penetrated its scaly skin messily, a rain of blood spraying across his face as it burst from the wound in a torrent. With another yell, the boy wrenched his formidable weapon free, and with three more deft slashes removed the dead deathclaw's arms and head, effectively overkilling it. 'FUCK YEAH BITCHES! YOU DON'T MESS WITH ME!' He stood on his fallen foe's stomach and roared as he victory punched the air above him, revving his chainsaw thing victoriously.

'Get this here son-of-a-bitch-offa-me!' Another man approached the distressed guy, who was trapped under the first deathclaw, and laughed in a medium pitch.

'Hey boys!' He called over his shoulder to an approaching group. 'Shirley's finally getting some action! From a deathclaw!' A scruffy brown dog was quickly upon the deathclaw, barking at it madly and growling.

'YOU SONOVABITCH JAIDEN! WAIT TILL I'M GETTING' OUTTA HERE YOU SONOFABITCH!' He screamed as the group of laughing men took up positions around the bleeding-out deathclaw corpse.

'Having fun there?' Came a query from the same dark skinned man clad in Enclave hellfire armour as he bent down to get a better view of the grumbling hillbilly.

'FURK YOU!' The man stood laughing his hearty laugh, a low jolly rumbling as he clutched his stomach and replaced his Heavy incinerator on his back, reaching down to take a limb.

'On your count Alex.' He said to the kid with the chainsaw thing.

Meet Jaiden.

Jaiden Gregoir. "Tank." African American in origin, and hearty spirited character, despite his tendency towards making biting sarcastic comments. He could be a bit of a dick sometimes, but he was always there for you. He was recruited by the enclave at a young age of only nine. Reaching maturity, he stumbled upon realisation, realisation which took the form as a _shit_load of caps inside a brotherhood facility. Realisation that he could make more money working his own little operation. And so with a few fateful fatal gunshots and a couple less squadmates later, he was free of his military shackles and off to live it up. He liked to burn shit, and so he liked a heavy incinerator, favouring it over flamers dues to the incinerator's "fuel efficiency" and because it "blows shit up better". He also carried a specially modified super sledge, designed to release a discharge of plasma energy on impact. And with this, he also had a Rock-it-launcher, or "Crap cannon". He enjoyed sharpening and then putting plates in it .His strategy: Smash and burn.

'On the count of three…' Alex said as he wrapped his arm around the beast's neck ready to lift. The dark-skinned man, a bald man and a ghoul took a limb each, ready to lift. 'Alright! One! Two!..' He bent down to face the man under the deathclaw corpse. 'Duuh…. _Whurt number do I say neyxt?'_

'YOU SONOFABITCH!'

'Three!' The men heaved, their muscles straining as they raised the heavy beast a few inches, allowing a man to roll out from underneath. He popped up with a gasp as the men released their load with a collective sigh. The man dusted off his duster and replaced his cowboy hat on his head, angling it the way he preferred to block the sun's harsh rays. He almost forgot his shotgun though, and yanked it from underneath the deathclaw's heavy body.

Meet Shirley. Dennis Shirley. Shirley to the bunch of pricks who he sometimes called his "buds".

Shirley was the closest thing you'd get to a redneck or "hillbilly" in the wasteland, short of visiting point lookout. He didn't like many people. He didn't like blacks or Asians. Ghouls he didn't mind. He didn't like Jaiden until Jaiden beat the crap out of him and insurgically removed three teeth. A guy develops a kind of respect after that. His best friend in the world however, was chewy. Chewy, his dog he saved from raiders. He had a certain soft spot for dogs. Shirley was of course from point lookout. Not one of those fatass inbred motherfuckers, no. He was born in the wasteland, but his mother, for some unknown reason, thought it was a good reason to visit point lookout. It wasn't, and so Shirley was left to be raised by a bunch of mutant rednecks until the age of sixteen, where he eventually got fed up with all their shit and _Furking_ shut them down. He wore a duster and hat he took from a Regulator after he supposedly "looked at him all funny like". He favoured a combat shotgun and a custom made Railway rifle, or "Lim-stickur" as he called it, he also carried a combat knife for when shit got personal. His role: CQB hillbilly. His strategy: Strategy? Let's just FURK THEM UP ALREADY! YEEEEHAAA!

'The guy's a chick magnet.' Came a hoarse laugh from the ghoul, clad in talon combat armour and holding a Chinese assault rifle attached on a sling.

Meet Drew.

Drew Byron. "Mr Snips." Drew was a ghoul. Drew liked to kill shit and he wasn't picky. Lived in a Ghoul colony up north. Spent a lot of time repairing things, and was quite a connoisseur when it came to guns. But his colony was a boring place. One day there was a little shit with some scavenger and Drew killed him. Ever since then, he liked killing shit. But he got bored soon, and so, he shot what he could find. The ghouls around him. He was one violent, twisted, dirty, sick, greedy motherfucker, and would do the most rankest shit for cash and laughs. He "liberated" his outfit from a talon merc he killed, along with his prized assault rifle. Alongside this he carried a Shishkebab or "Crispy strip" as he dubbed it, and a 44. Magnum. His strategy: BANG BANG FUCKING BANG MOTHERFUCKERS!

'How'd you know it's a chick?' Alex asked with a smile.

Meet Alex.

Alex Gisborn. "Blades." Alex was the youngest of the group and wore a merc outfit. Slacks and a black jacket with cut off sleeves, open at the front with two lines of bullets across the white shirt underneath forming a "X" shape. The merc uniform was just something he picked up on his travels. If anybody asked him where he got it, all they got was an "aaw, I nicked it bro." and he would laugh, imitating a comedian he saw on some really old tape (Billy T James. You're a legend). Spirited and enthusiastic youth. He also liked to fight shit. Not necessarily shoot, but fight shit. He wore a pair of deathclaw gauntlets which he used to punch/slash things, which he enjoyed. However, despite his happy energetic exterior he held a lot of angst… things from his past. Ever since that day, he made his best attempt to find true happiness in whatever he could manage to. That day he had cried so much… he believed he was literally out of tears. Ever since he had discovered in himself a violent side. A violent side fuelled by that angst he felt, and in that violence his satisfaction and happiness flourished. On his back was what he liked to call the "shitripper". A ripper but bigger. Also dubbed the "Chainsword" by the rest of the group. Part chainsaw, part sword. Interesting story how he found it. Alex used to live in megaton while he worked as a runner for Talon Company. While he lived there, he met with and became friends with an old guy by the name of John. Said he had travelled the wasteland fighting enclave and stuff when he was younger, hard to believe when you consider he was over ninety years old. And then one day he died, leaving Alex all his possessions. A LOT of possessions. Weapons mostly, including an arsenal of custom made ones. Alex sold almost all of the weapons (Save the custom ones) and armour for a massive amount of caps, in facts near 30,000. The ammo, custom weapons (which he would later distribute to members of his "team") and anything else of interest lies in that house he received in John's will, ready for when he returns. Also in his personal arsenal, a gun which fired poisonous darts, and a 10mm SMG "ULTRA", which was also in the arsenal at John's place. His role: Infiltration and stealth attack. His strategy: Fucking ninja-slice-Uzi-rush (WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT AN UZI!).

'Got a cunt.' The ghoul said pointing at the backside of the deathclaw.

'That's disgusting.' That was the bald guy.

Meet Jerri.

Jerri Darwin. The bald guy. Jerri called himself "the reservist", after his granddad, the infamous sniper who lived just outside a reserve up north. Jerri was a sniper, and a damn good one. Like all the others, he enjoyed killing shit, but unlike the others he was remotely normal. He enjoyed the finer things in life, but that required money. He primarily used a sniper rifle (the reservist's rifle, the one his now dead granddad used. Alex had it in his armoury. Jerri didn't ask why it was there…) , but he also was known to use a silenced pistol and a combat knife and set traps with some very powerful bottlecap mines. His armour was similar to that used by the druids, a camouflage suit which was a sandy brown to blend with the wasteland sand. He was the most intelligent of the group, and often dreamed up of their tactics. His strategy: All of them.

And that was the group. The hearty pyromaniac black guy, the crazy shotgun hillbilly, the sadistic zombie, the wannabe ninja kid with a chainsaw and the smart bald guy who probably had cancer. A bunch of guys traveling the vast and epic wasteland drinking, scavenging and killing things in their gigantic and epic quest to do some interesting shit and then get pissed and laid (except Alex. He got funny around girls ever since you-know-what.). This was the group. This was:

SHOTGUN DIPLOMACY

'Hey guys!' Drew (the ghoul) called over his shoulder with a disgusting grin as he crouched behind the deathclaw. 'Who'll pay me to fuck this lizard bitch?'

'Aaw shit!' Alex doubled over in laughter. 'You are one rank-ass motherfucker!' He laughed even harder as Drew made a pelvic thrust motion into the corpse. There was a sharp bark of disapproval from Chewy, standing beside Shirley.

'Nah, he's right ugly.' Jaiden said he strode towards the ghoul. 'There's a limit to how rank'a things you can do, so put that mouldy old sausage away.'

'Well I fucking ain't doing it if you assholes ain't paying me.' He said as he stood and zipped up his fly. 'Last time I did it this white shit leaked outta her onto my armour and it cost me fifty caps to get some rivet city bitch to clean it off.'

'That's fucking disgusting Drew.' Jaiden spat with a disapproving shake, Alex behind him holding his stomach and looking sick suddenly.

'Fuck you bro, you're gonna make me sick.'

'Can you fucking blame me?' Drew protested with an innocent, gesture. 'Do you know hard it is to get laid when you're-' drew cut himself off as Alex threw himself forwards, hurling all over the ground in front of him and swearing quietly. 'Oh Jesus, grow some balls you little pussy.'

'I can't blame him…' Jaiden said as he watched Tom with a sick look himself. 'I really don't want to picture that.'

'Well stop picturing and do something useful.' Jerri surveyed the area around them. 'This is a good as any place to stay for the night, and the scent of the deathclaw should keep away a lot of wild animals.'

'So I'll get us some firewood?' Alex asked as he brightened up suddenly, eyeing a nearby dead tree and fingering his chainsword with a grin. Jerri sighed and facepalmed.

'Yes, that-'

'FUCKING INCOMING!' Alex yelled as the chainsword swung from his back, revving up with a mechanical whirr as Alex charged at the tree with his weapon held above his head. The thing was made of some unknown metal. Pretty light and very tough, perfect for a weapon which would have been unwieldy and heavy otherwise. The handle was a two hand design, one to hold it and swing while the other held the balance, position and kept the blade facing the right way. The thing swung is a huge round arc as Alex twisted his entire body. The other men cringed as the tree exploded in a rain of chips, the chainsword blade slicing through it messily and toppling it. After the tree had fallen, Alex placed one foot of the trunk and began slicing it into smaller pieces to fit in a fire. Jerri turned back to the other three men, yelling over the roar of Alex's chainsword.

'SHIRLEY! DREW! YOU TWO COME WITH ME TO HUNT FOR SOME MEAT!'

'Yeah, alright bossy bitch.' Drew grumbled under the sound of Alex's work as he raised his Chinese assault rifle.

'Whutever.' Shirley said as he crouched down to pat his furry friend.

'WAIT, WHAT AM I DOING?' Jaiden called to Jerri with a shrug.

'STAY HERE!' Jerri instructed as he began off with the other two. 'JUST MAKE SURE THE KID DOESN'T CUT HIMSELF OR SOMETHING.'

'WHAT! BABBYSITTING DUTY?'

'I HEARD THAT BITCH!' Alex called angrily over the din he was making.

'SHUT UP KID!'

'WHO ARE YOU CALLING KID, MOTHERFUCKER! I'M EIGHT INCHES MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU COULD EVER BE MOTHERFUCKER!'

'All right, heads up.' The four men stepped away from the fire as Jaiden unslung his heavy incinerator and held it pointing at the fire pit. There was a short sound, like a brief expulsion of air, then a glowing, burning orb was thrown from the end of the barrel, and it exploded in the centre of the pit with a little too much force.

'Woah!' Alex ducked quickly as a flaming log flew overhead.

'Aah! SHYIT!' Shirley blurted as he hopped onto his left foot, clutching his right… and fell over. 'FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LOG!' Jaiden grinned, even as a stick bounced off his own armour, and re-slung his weapon as he kicked the log back into the fireplace.

'Get over it Shirley.'

'You guys see my mad ninja dodge?' Alex piped up as he crossed his legs and sat down with a grin.

'You're not a ninja.' Alex threw Jaiden a dirty stare, narrowing his eyes as he tried to think of something clever to say.

'You disrespect my honour!' Alex shouted as he jumped to his feet and placed one hand on his chainsword, still keeping it on his back as he crouched In his ninja-fighting pose, his free hand open-palmed facing Jaiden. 'Take it back!' Jaiden quickly shuffled back a bit as Alex swung his chainsword over his shoulder and revved it up, moving the blade in front of Jaiden's face. 'Take it back…' Jaiden didn't reply, he just sat still as the whirring blades neared his face, almost daring Alex to proceed. He did.

'You wouldn't…' Jaiden challenged, managing a nervous smile as the blade inched closer.

'How far away am i?' Alex asked with a cold smile. 'I can't see properly in this light…'

'Okay, I take it back you psycho!' Jaiden laughed as Alex stopped the blade and replaced it on his back.

'Honour restored.' Alex bowed a little and fell back to his sitting position.

'I don't see where you get your fascination with ninjas.' Jerri said as he removed a couple of Brahmin steaks from his bag.

'I reckon they're pretty cool.' Grumbled Drew with a smile as he placed himself beside Shirley, opposite Alex. 'Running around stabbing people, slashing them into bits, jumping out of nowhere and scaring the crap out of people…' Drew grinned a bit at Alex. 'I can't tell the difference.' Alex smiled at the comparison.

'Yep, that's what them niggers do.' Everybody just stared at Shirley with exasperated looks (save the venomous glare Jaiden threw him). Ever chewy lowered his head to the ground and pawed at his head in frustration and embarrassment at Shirley's stupidity, whining a bit. 'Whut?'

'Ninja you faggot.' Jaiden muttered as he took a stick and poked the fire.

'Oh, them.' Shirley finally came to enlightenment. 'Them just white boys trying to be black.' This time, Alex laughed. He couldn't take it; Shirley was just such a dumbass. The others looked at him funnily as he continued. Drew grinned, and began to chuckle a bit. Jaiden joined in himself, realising the extend to Shirley's stupidity as even Shirley began laughing himself.

'Jesus you're a fucktard bro.' Alex added as Jerri threw the group a strange look, and couldn't help but grin just a little himself.

'You'd have to wonder…' Jerri started deeply as he leaned back on his hands and looked up at the stars, the group's eyes upon him as they grew silent once again. 'How did a few fucked up idiots like us end as the toughest merc group in the wasteland?' Everybody grinned at that, and Alex shrugged.

'Everybody's fucked up Jerri.' He stated simply. 'We're just fucked up in the best way.' Shirley reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of beer with a wide smile. Everybody else followed suit.

'I lurve you guys.' He muttered with a solemn shake of his head. 'Well, I mean that ain't in no pussy or homo way, I jus mean you guys are pretty alright.' Jerri raised his drink above his head, and the rest followed.

'To shotgun diplomacy.' They all raised their bottles in a toast.

'Jus' like yer average merc band…' Shirley continued, looking to Alex now as Alex took a long swig from his bottle, then wiped his mouth with his wrist.

'…but ten times more awesomer!' He finished with a nod.

'Hooah.' Jaiden agreed with a nod to Drew.

'Damn fucking right.' Drew added onto that.

'Arf!'

'Shotgun diplomacy.' Jerri repeated, and then took a swig himself as Shirley spoke.

'The best kind'er diplomer-cay.' Alex had been holding his bottle upside down over his mouth for the last few sentences, and finally threw the empty bottle over his shoulder with a satisfied look.

'Meh. I'm gonna hit it.' He commented as he lay down sideways on his backpack, his weapons already removed and lying beside him. 'When it's my shift give me a yell, but otherwise gimme some shuteye.'

'Past your bedtime Alex?' Jaiden asked him with a curious but taunting smile. Alex shook his head a bit and mouthed something.

'It's a big world out there.' He replied as he sat back up and stripped off his shirt and jacket. 'Shitloads more stuff out there to kill, shitloads of shit to chainsaw in half, I'm gonna need my energy.'

'Now that's the attitude.' Jaiden said approvingly after another swig. 'Wish my aunt was so optimistic when I was little and going to bed at night.'

It was a strange moment. Nobody knew why, nobody knew how, maybe it was just luck, but all five men and a dog awoke at the same time. Not necessarily getting up, but waking. Alex shivered a bit, wrapping his arms around himself he rubbed his shoulders. Even with the blistering sweltering heat of day, night in the wasteland was cold. But even for the coldness of the wasteland night, it was cold. It was too cold, and Alex could feel it on his cheek. He had apparently moved his bag away from under him in his sleep.

'Why the fuck is it-' Alex began, rubbing his eyes and eventually opening them, only to freeze. And freeze he did. 'Oh my fucking Jesus monkey balls…' He stood up slowly, as if he were surrounded by an invisible hostile army, his head snapping left to right with disbelief. His vision was still fuzzy with tiredness. 'Oh my fucking-'

'Shut up Alex.' It was Jaiden. Jaiden, nice and warm in his power armour with a warm bandana wrapped around his head.

'Jaiden, open your eyes for a second you dumb fuck…' Jaiden did, and for a second, everything seemed normal. He saw the wasteland. The capital wasteland in all its sandy, blistering glory. Then the colour came. The sandy, blistering landscape of the capital wasteland softened, turning a gently white and grey hue.

'What the fuck?' Jaiden sat upright, rubbing his eyes tiredly and then staring blankly. Alex looked upwards into the bleak monotone sky and held a hand out. He felt a few bits of whatever the stuff was land on his hand. The world slowly opened up to him as his peripheral vision expanded to normal status, and he noticed something wrong. Something very wrong. His hands moved to his face, feeling over it and groping his features with awe spreading across them.

'Jaiden… look at me…' Jaiden continued to stare into the distance for a second, then turned to see Alex.

'Aaaah!'

'Aaaah!' within half a second Jaiden had a super sledge in his hands poised to strike, Ajay his 10mm SMG held in his outstretched hand. The two stared back at each other panting heavily, ready to deal instant simultaneous death. 'Jaiden…'

'Alex… your body…'

'I FUCKING KNOW-' Alex stopped in mid-yell. 'My body..?' His eyes drifted downwards. 'Oh my fucking god…' Forgetting where he left it as he stared at his bare torso, Alex's outstretched arm was still pointing at Jaiden, who, soon realising what Alex was getting at, put his hands on his face.

'It's just hair Alex, isn't whipping your gun out a bit of an overreaction?'

'Keep it down you two…' Jerri mumbled, his camouflage cloak covering his face and head.

'You're all furry…' Jaiden pointed out blatantly as Alex continued to stare at his white, furry chest. 'You're vulpine…'

'And I'm like a fox…' Alex muttered distantly as he twisted around to get a better look of his new body and his back. 'Wait…' He twisted his body around as far as he could and shoved his hand down the back of his pants, his face contorting into an even greater look of shock. He turned back to Jaiden with a growing grin, his hand emerging from his waistband. 'I got a tail…' He grinned as he pulled out bushy white tail from behind him, staring at Jaiden wide-eyed. Jaiden shook his head, and then held it in one hand with a confused groan.

'This can't be real…'

'Erh!' He looked up to see Alex crouching, holding one arm before him with three cuts across it, crimson red bleeding onto his perfect white, and his other hand had three small, sharp-looking claws protruding from his fingertips. Or rather, digits, it was hard to tell if they could be classified as hands anymore, looking so paw-like. Sort of a paw, but with digits altered slightly to allow free usage of weapons. 'Not a dream…' Alex panted as he held his arm up for Jaiden to see the blood oozing from the wound.

'This is so-'

'AWESOME!' Alex threw his fists in the air as he bellowed loudly with joy, then his head dropped back down with his tongue hanging out the side of his muzzle. He had a muzzle now. 'This is the best day of my life EVER!'

'What? Why?' Jaiden threw back, since he couldn't understand Alex's motives for wanting to be… like that.

'I can do this!' Alex fell forwards and landed on all fours. He then turned over his right shoulder to see his tail flicking behind him, and dived for it with a grin. Jaiden didn't know what to think as he watched his best friend chasing his new "tail" around and around in a circle, he was trying to think and Alex was distracting him.

'OH MY SWEET FURKING LORD! WHERE THE FUCK AM I!' Jaiden swung around to see Shirley on his feet, staring at his legs. 'MY FURKING LEGS ARE HAIRIER THAN THAT GINGER CHICK FROM-'

'Shirley..?'

'RIVET CITY!'

'Shirley?' Jaiden repeated again.

'Yep? Wadd'y you want?' Jaiden stepped aside, providing a line of sight between Alex and Shirley.

'Holey shit!' Shirley's shotgun was in his hands in a second as Jaiden rushed for him. 'What the furk-'

'Blades.'

'Whut?'

'It's Blades.' Jaiden said, placing a calming hand on Shirley's shoulder and turning to face Alex. 'Eh Blades?'

'Yep!' Alex stopped in his chasing as stood upright with his cheeriest grin, showing off his little claws. 'I'm fox-ay.'

'Whut the fuck...?' Shirley slowly turned to face Jaiden, then all of a sudden burst into a fit of laughing. 'Whut happened to yer' face? It's all bushy.'

'Snow.' The three men (Two and a fox kid) turned to find Jerri crouching behind them, taking a pinch of the white stuff and rubbing it in his fingers. 'It's snow.'

'What's snow?' Alex chimed in, peeking around Jaiden's bulky armoured body at Jerri. Jerri stared at Alex for a few seconds, but figured everybody had already been through that "WTF happened to you" phase, and wanted to know where they were.

'Snow. It's like soft ice.'

'Soft ice?' Jaiden bent down and picked some up, rolling it between his fingers. It was a strange powdery texture.

'It's cold and it falls from the sky.'

'Holey shit!' The four turned to see Drew standing now.

'Oh…'

'My…'

'Fucking…'

'HOLEY SHYIT! YER A FUCKING BEAR THING!' Shirley blurted out with a pointing finger.

'How did I not notice that…' Jerri shook his head in disbelief that he had failed to notice a giant seven foot tall ghoul built like a Guai lying in Drew's place. Drew inspected his new paws with his mouth hanging open.

'I'm fucking huge!' He cried as he stared at his body, still ghoulish and rotting but somewhere guai-ish also. 'What the fuck is going on here?' Everybody's heads swivelled to Jerri, lost looks on their faces, like a bunch of kids who had lost their mums.

'I'm not sure.' Jerri said hopelessly. 'Hold on a second, let's just sit down here.' Everybody did immediately, in a circle all facing Jerri. 'Okay, Alex?' Alex nodded. 'You're a… arctic fox?' Alex shrugged elaborately with a nod following as he flicked his tail joyfully, enjoying himself immensely. 'Alright. Drew.' Drew sat forwards a bit on his giant haunches with a low pitch grumble. 'You look like a ghoulified Yao-Guai.'

'Yeah? Well you don't have hair.' Drew muttered with a shrug, looking at his shoulder.

'But your armour is… it still fits you?' Drew nodded, searching his armour for any tears or stretch markings. 'So your armour has changed with your body to fit you?'

'Hell, Idunno, you're the smart one.'

'And I'm the foxy one.' Alex added with a grin, his tail sweeping across the snow behind him happily and making little patterns.

'Nothing happening to me yet I think… And then there's you two…' Jerri nodded to where Jaiden and Shirley sat. 'You're hairy.'

'Yep.' Shirley nodded as he rolled up the leg of his trousers and showed the bushy hair. He also had a much bushier beard, as did Jaiden now. Jerri sighed as he watched Alex lying in the snow with a happy grin, he had buried his lower body in snow to camouflage his black trousers with the environment.

'Well what are we going to do now?'

'You can leave your weapons and put your hands in the air, that's what.' The group all looked up and to the south to see a group of… things… standing atop a ridge holding guns pointed in their general direction. Assault rifles.

'Who the furk are you?' Shirley demanded. The first thing fired a round into the ground beside Shirley's foot. Shirley didn't jump, he just stood there.

'I'll ask the questions here.' The thing sneered back. 'First question, why aren't you bastards standing with your hands in the air?' The group's collective gaze automatically swung to the north, a few metres away beside Alex, where all their guns lay. Too far away. 'Now stand! All four of you!' The group looked to Jerri, who nodded and bit his lip, and began standing. Jaiden gave him a confused glance as he stood, and held up four fingers with a questioning look. There were five of them. Jerri looked back over, making the things think he was looking at their weapons, but in actuality looking at Alex lying beside them. He actually missed him at first glance… he was the same colour as the snow. He had his head down and wasn't moving. **Smart kid.** 'All right! We're coming down! Don't try anything funny!' The things came down opposite sides of the rock formation, still pointing their guns menacingly. As they came closer, the group were shocked to see a whole variety of animals. One was pitch black, tall and had a muzzle, like some kind of wolf. The second was smaller and rodent like with large ears and a pointed mouth/nose. The third was bear like and the fourth was fox of some kind but a reddish one. 'Keep your hands where I can see'm.'

'Jerri?' Shirley asked over his shoulder as the people moved towards him.

'Shut up!' Barked the wolf.

'Who are we?' He asked in a bid for confidance.

'I said shut up!' He yelled again, moving closer now.

'Shotgun diplomacy.' Jerri answered as he gave Shirley a curious look, with a hint of a grin.

'SHUT UP DAMMIT!' the wolf screamed as his comrades closed in around the group.

'Shotgun diplomacy.' Shirley repeated with growing energy and dignity. Jaiden contribute his bit:

'Hooah!'

'I SAID-'

'_Arrrroooooooo!'_ The four hostiles spun around as a grey-brown shape came lurching down the hill towards them. In that instant, Shirley spun around on one foot, catching his shotgun out of mid-air after Alex threw it. Alex ran with his own weapon in one hand, a Shishkebab in the other. He tossed the shishkebab to Drew as he ran for the enemy.

'SHOTGUN DIPLOMACY BEE-OTCH!' The first wolf spun around again to Shirley, only to quickly find himself with most of his head missing in a rain of bloody brain chunks lead pellets and skull fragments. The bear-like thing moved in on Shirley seeing him attack his comrade. Shirley spun to the bear, but before he could fire a white blur flashed past in between them, a trail of blood following him from the bear thing's neck. Alex landed and revved his chainsword again with a triumphant yell of "FUCK YEAH" and held it over his head, the bear's blood flying off the whirring blades as its detached head rolled down the slope to Alex's feet. The mouse had no sooner raised his assault rifle than he was lifted clean into the air by a flaming sword blade stabbed cleanly through his back, and he was thrown over Drew's head as he grinned sadistically at his new strength. The three turned to and closed in on the fourth, who backed away and dropped its weapon as Chewy began barking and growling.

'I'm sorry! I didn't want to!' It was a female. The last one to be killed was always a female for some reason. 'They made me do it! Please don't kill me!' Alex stopped the group by raising one paw. He was at the front of the advancing group, and so they could see his order.

'Jerri! What's our policy on surrender?' Jerri shrugged.

'Please don't kill me…' She begged as she cowered, crouching and covering her head with her paws and arms. Chewy tilted his head with a confused whine and looked to Jerri.

'Somebody,' Jerri began with an accusing tone, not quite looking over his shoulder, 'not mentioning names here, but somebody kills everybody who tries to surrender and says "I didn't know they was surrendering". So I wouldn't know what to do with someone who's still alive.'

'Well can we keep her?' Alex asked with a grin. 'A prisoner maybe?' Everybody stared at Alex with suspicion. 'She's cute.' Every other person in the group epic-facepalmed (the way which looks painful almost). Jerri turned to Jaiden for an answer. Drew would just say kill her, Shirley would probably say kill her, Alex wanted to take her prisoner, for what reason was yet to be determined, Jaiden had remained neutral.

'If she isn't dangerous and we can make use of her, keep her around until she becomes a problem.' Alex's tail wagged a bit, Drew and Shirley grumbled.

'Make use of her?' Jerri questioned as he looked at her briefly. 'What do you mean?'

'Carry stuff, y'know. Maybe she knows where we are or how we got here.' In actuality, Jaiden just wanted a chick around. Being around four other guys twenty-four-seven got you really missing ladies.

'We could use the collar.' Jerri shrugged at Alex's suggestion, then looked at Drew.

'What, waste my slave collar on her? No thanks.' Drew shook his head.

'Aaw, c'mon!'

'I'm saving it for something good!' Drew protested back.

'Why not now?' Alex threw back. Drew thought for a minute, and then said:

'Bros before hos.'

'Dammit!' Alex snapped his fingers (And sort of failed with his new furry digits) violently and swore under his breath. Bros before hos. **Dammit. Got me on that one.** He thought with disappointment. It was a card he had pulled on Jaiden before, and he couldn't go back on it. **Aha…** 'All right Drew, just let me suggest something here.' Alex started with an idea brewing in his head. 'Say we use the collar, situation A: she goes along quietly and eventually we can remove it so you can use it again.' Drew nodded slowly, still listening. 'Situation B: she tries to do a runner and you get to see something exotic and new explode.' Drew grinned now with this new take on the situation, and nodded.

'You're thinking like me now kid.' He commented as he picked up his backpack from the ground, but struggled to open it with his huge fingers. 'Here, you get it.' Alex caught the bag as Drew tossed it to him, and removed the collar, opening the small metal ring. He approached the fox woman slowly, holding the collar in one hand.

'Alright then, stand up girl.' The woman obeyed without question, standing rigid upright as she gulped deeply. Alex reached one hand around her neck, gently brushing her hair away as he placed one half of the loop around her neck, then closed it shut on her, making her shudder a bit. 'There.' He stepped back to observe his handiwork. 'Just don't play with the thing or you'll end up with your brains splattered all over the place.' Alex made that last suggestion with a confusing amount of cheerfulness. Then again, when you lived in hell there wasn't much which irked you, and you had to find happiness in violence or none at all. The fox chick brought one padded finger up and touched the metal band gently.

'Uh…' Jaiden wagged a finger. 'You're head'll blow up.' She dropped her paw quickly. 'Good girl.'

'But can we at least break her legs?' The woman stepped away with a frightened look at Drew. Drew shrugged innocently. 'It'll stop her from running.'

'But she wouldn't be able to walk.' Alex protested with a disapproving look.

'You could always carry her.' Jaiden suggested with a smile. 'You'd like that, eh?'

'We're not breaking her legs.' Alex said ultimately with a stern glare, not answering Jaiden's question as he went a little red beneath his fur.

'You've broken shitloads of legs before.' Drew tossed in with a grunt. This whole conversation the woman had a sinking feeling in her gut, and was backing away a little. 'Fuck, you chopped that bastard's leg off yesterday.'

'Yeah well they were trying to kill me.' Alex defended himself, feeling uncomfortable under the group's glare. 'She's not trying to kill me, so I'm happy not breaking her legs.'

'We're not breaking her legs if we don't need to.' Jerri decided as he moved towards the woman. 'Where are we?'

'Capital wasteland…' She answered quietly and looked at the ground. 'Some kilometres north of megaton.' Jerri faced back to the group with one hand on his chin, rubbing thoughtfully.

'How many of you are there in the area?'

'Of me..?'

'Animal creatures.' Jerri expanded. 'Superhuman anthromorphic entities?'

'Super-whatsit afromonic whtaerties?' Shirley's head hurt from all those big words. He didn't look impressed by Jerri's confusing terminology.

'I heard titties.' Alex whispered with a nudge as he raised his eyebrows… if he still had eyebrows, causing Shirley to chuckle heartily.

'What… what do you mean?' The woman asked with confusion evident in her eyes

'How many of you are there in comparison to humans like us?' Jerri pointed behind him with his thumb to the group. 'Well, except snips and blades.' The woman shrugged a bit, just looking up at Jerri under her eyes. Jerri was a tall guy.

'More of us. One-to-six maybe…'

'Of you to humans?' She nodded, not looking up at Jerri. Jerri sighed and came trudging back towards the rest of the group, his shoes sinking into the snow. That was becoming a real problem with Jaiden also, whose heavy power armour sunk him down significantly. 'All right boys, listen up.' He called, commanding the attention of the team. 'We don't know what's going on here, or where we are. We are fucking lost.'

'Yep.'

'Uh-huh.'

'Fucking lost.'

'Arf!'

'You said it chewy.'

'I'm heading up this ridge here to scope.' Jerri told the group as he headed for where the mercs had come from. 'Hopefully it's a relatively high point and I can check the landscape around us.' He turned and began walking backwards up the slope as he pointed. 'Snips, Tank, Shirley, you three search the bodies for any salvageable resources. Blades?' Alex gave a little salute at his name. 'Pat down the girl. Make sure she isn't hiding anything.' Alex growled a bit as he saw a hint of a grin on Jerri's face as he turned back to the hill, removing his sniper as he approached the top. Jerri knew how much he disliked touching girls like that.

'Remember to do a cavity search Blades.' Jaiden made an obscene gesture with two fingers and a wink. The girl shied away a bit as Jaiden did that and Alex swore under his breath with frustration. He felt like he was the only normal one in the group. Then again, Jaiden though the same of himself.

'I ain't doing that.' Alex assured her ineffectively as he approached her. She was the same height as him, and they faced each other at eye level. 'Arms out.' The girl held her arms out at the side as Alex ran his hands along them.

'Not much to see up here…' Jerri called back down as he panned left, staring through his scope with one eye. 'Just more snow.'

'I jus found me some caps.' Shirley held up a handful of caps in one fist as he continued to search the rodent person.

'Hey Shirley!' Shirley looked at Jaiden as he lifted a combat shotgun from the wolf male's corpse. 'Shotty!' Shirley stood and caught the shotgun with a grin.

'HOOOOEEY!' He cried with a joyful shake of his head, holding the shotgun upright as he looked it over. 'Jus in time. Ol terrible here's just getting a bit worn…'

'Well don't fucking look at me.' Drew grumbled as he flipped the bear's body over and inspected it. 'My hands are too fucking big to fuck around with your little toys now.'

'Well blades can do it, eh blades?' Shirley called to Alex as he continued his search, running his hands down the girl's sides.

'I wouldn't count on it Shirley.' Jaiden called over his shoulder with a snide grin as he still searched the wolf's body. 'Blades' got other toys to fuck around with by the looks of things.'

'For fuck's sake Jaiden!' Alex screamed back in a rage as he spun around furiously. 'Shut the fuck up you stupid prick!' Then he looked back to the girl and continued his search as Jaiden and Shirley exchanged shocked looks, shrugging. Jaiden knew he had pushed it. Alex was always a bit uncomfortable when people talked about girls like that, and tended to get a bit aggravated. If Jaiden ever asked why, Alex would just say: "Amy…" Jaiden knew what that meant, Alex had explained once, and Jaiden wouldn't ever press him on it again. 'Sorry about the collar.' Alex commented as he ran his hands down the outside of the girl's legs. 'I know what it's like wearing these things. Not a nice feeling.'

'I got rid of mine a few years ago…' The girl said quietly with disappointment at her new garment as Alex crouched to run his hands around her ankles.

'Yeah, me too.' Alex stood back up again and walked around behind her, placing his paws on the back of her shoulders and feeling down the back of her jacket for anything. 'When I got free I was a runner.'

'Me too.' Being a runner was a common job for young people in the wasteland, and you could find them everywhere.

'Oh really?' Alex used the conversation he had sparked up to distract the girl as he ran his hands over her backside quickly to check for anything. Alex moved back around to her front then placed his paws just above her breast and below her neck, then began running them down.

'I ran for some mercs who picked me up a few years ago.' Alex stopped suddenly, at a completely inappropriate time, his hands freezing as they ran over her breasts.

There was a sharp wolf whistle from behind him. The girl looked rather embarrassed, but not nearly as Alex did.

'Shit, sorry, I just…' He quickly put his hands behind his back. 'You said you were picked up by mercs… I just froze up a bit…I was thinking about something' He said as his feet shuffled a bit. 'I was too.'

'Wow… that's weird…' She said quietly with her blush slowly disappearing.

'Alex!' Alex looked to his left to find Jerri jogging down the hill towards him, lifting his feet high out of the snow. 'Stop fraternizing and get on with it.'

'I'm just fucking talking Jerri. Get the fuck over it man.' Alex muttered as he knelt down and placed his hands on the inside of the girl's legs, near her ankles. 'So what's your name?'

'Maya.' She answered as Alex slowly ran his hands up the inside of her legs.

'I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable.' He paused just as his hands reached her thighs, almost asking permission. 'Well, y'know, I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable, but I gotta do this, eh?' He ran his hands up a bit higher, gingerly up the inside of hers thighs and between her legs, and then moved away again. 'She's clean.' Jaiden scoffed as he listened to how Alex talked to her.

'Fuck you're cheesy, kid.' Alex ignored Jaiden as he stood up again.

'Since I'm the only one who is indifferent to this,' Jerri began as he took the detonation remote from Drew's bag, 'I'll hold the remote. The girl'll walk in front of me and lead us to megaton.' Jerri threw the bag back to Drew, who caught it in one hand and slung it over one shoulder, barely managing to fit the strap around his massive arm. Alex picked up his own pack and pulled it on his back, as did the other three. 'Alright. Lead on.' Jerri instructed and pointed. Maya looked at him funny for a few seconds, then pointed questioningly in the opposite direction. 'Okay…' Jerri spun and pointed in that direction. 'Lead on.'

'Seriously Alex, let her go man.' Alex made a "meh" sound as he walked beside Jaiden, the two were walking behind Jerri, who was walking behind Maya, silently leading them on. 'You couldn't have gotten into a human girl?'

'I like her.' Alex said with an unconvincing shrug. 'I don't know why, I just do.'

'Is it that you're an animal now?' Jaiden pressed for a conversation.

'Might be.' Alex's tail wagged a bit as he remembered it was there. 'Pretty cool though.'

'You really like that thing don't you?'

'It's friggin awesome man!' Alex exclaimed gleefully with a smile at the taller man. 'Hey, reckon I can grab shit with it?' He took the little dart gun from his side and dropped it behind him, snatching it out of the air with his tail as the end wrapped around the handle. 'Sweet…' Jaiden took a few steps away with a wary look at the weapon.

'Don't hold it like that…' He said with a fake frown.

'Why not?' Alex asked as he tossed the thing up, spinning it a few times in the air, and then caught it again.

'Because you'll kill me stupid!' Jaiden put on a stupid complaining voice with a grin.

'Maybe I want to kill you.' Alex threw back in the same stupid joking voice.

'That's not cool…' Jaiden shook his head with a frown, still using a stupid voice.

'Wonder what else I can do with it..?' Alex wondered as his tail tossed the dart gun back into his hand and he replaced it in its holster, wondering how far he would get with a combat knife with his tail wrapped around it.

'I'm sure you can think of some way to amuse yourself with it.' Alex saw that same smirk on his face he had seen a number of times before. 'Small things amuse small minds.' Jaiden purposely threw in a suggestive edge to his voice with a grin, making a lewd jerking motion with his armoured hand around his lower body. Alex grunted with annoyance and amusement as he watched Jaiden, deciding whether to repel the chode crack or reply to the dirty motion. He chose the second option. Jaiden was black, and he wasn't going to go there and size up against a black guy.

'Yeah, you'd enjoy that wouldn't you?' Alex shot back, using his tail to imitate Jaiden's gesture with a grin. The worst thing to do back to Jaiden.

'Maybe I would.' Jaiden raised an eyebrow as he suddenly moved closer to Alex with an uncomforting grin.

'Okay, nope.' Alex held his hands up in defence and moved away from Jaiden, effectively conceding. 'You wouldn't like that at all.'

'That's what I thought.' Jaiden moved away a little again as Alex grumbled a bit.

'_Msnfrsn… stupid friggin gayden…'_

'What?'

'Nothin'.' Alex didn't even bother to make himself sound innocent as he remembered where their conversation started. 'Actually, come to think of it, you can't criticise me about my choice in girls.'

'Why not?' Jaiden shot back quickly.

'Well you ain't exactly Mr Perfect with the ladies.' Alex retorted. 'Getting a blow from a drunk chick isn't counted as getting laid.'

'Well at least I ain't afraid do go near them.' Jaiden shot back ruthlessly. '_Oh, look at me, I'm Alex, I'm afraid to talk to girls because they're scary and they make me cry about my girlfriend-'_ Jaiden cut his onslaught short as he realised he had struck a sensitive spot, swearing heavily at himself as Alex's head hung, looking at his feet. 'Shit, I'm so sorry…' Jaiden knew he wasn't getting an answer. He shouldn't have brought that issue up, he went _waaay _too far.

'Fuck off…' Jaiden dropped off, stopping sharply and catching on with Shirley and Drew.

'Whu's wrong Tank?' Shirley grunted as he saw Jaiden beside him. 'You and fox kid have a fallout?'

'I brought up his girlfriend.'

'Oh… durn…' Shirley shook his head sadly as he watched Alex ahead of him, his tail drooping behind him and dragging in the snow. 'Tha's a pretty harsh card t'play.'

'He's got me guilt trippin' now.' Jaiden moaned guiltily. He just felt worse every time he looked at him. Every time He had seen Alex today, he had his new tail flicking about through the air happily, showing off and super joyful. Now it just hung and dragged itself behind him.

'Poor kid.' Shirley shook his head again. 'Yer a real bastard fer that Jaiden.'

'Since when do you care for Alex so much?' Jaiden remarked with confusion. Shirley usually didn't care too much.

'Ever since he's lookin' like a doggy.' Shirley said as he watched him, patting Chewy, who was walking beside him. 'He's all happy like a jumpy pup and you jus' ruined his day.' Shirley explained. 'Yer a bastard.' Jaiden facepalmed.

'I know.'

'Hey…' Maya looked over her shoulder to find Alex slumped and following behind her, in front of Jerri. He looked sad…

'Hey…' She replied and turned towards where she was going.

'Where we going to?' He pressed for conversation.

'Megaton.'

'Oh yeah?' He nodded a little. 'Cool.' Maya nodded a bit in sort-of neutral agreement. He clearly wanted to talk. She figured she would be best to talk back… maybe she could get him to trust her and remove her collar. 'Who were those guys you were tagged along with?'

'Just some guys.' She replied with a shrug. 'We just met up in a bar and decided to go around for a while.' Jerri bit his lip as he watched from behind. He couldn't let Alex keep doing this and get attached. He sped up a bit, catching up with Alex from behind.

'Don't Jerri.' Jerri slowed down again as he turned to see Jaiden behind him shake his head. 'Leave him alone for a while or he'll be bumming for ages.' Jerri could tell by Jaiden's expression that it was something important, and fell back again.

'They were sort of assholes though.' Maya confessed. 'What about you?'

'I've been called a lot of things. Asshole was probably among them.' Maya grinned ever-so-slightly.

'I mean your team.'

'They can all be assholes at times.' Maya grinned a bit more as she looked away from Alex.

'I mean, how did you meet them?'

'Ooooh…' Alex said, trying to sound as surprised as he could. 'Well it's a long story. Several long stories, full of random plot twists and mature content and explicit violence. But I can shorten them down for you if you want.' He offered with a shrug.

'The man in armour?'

'Jaiden.' Alex sighed. 'We go back further than the other guys. About a year and a half ago. Met him just roaming around. I had no weapons at that point, neither did he. Long story. He had armour, but I had martial arts training. I jumped him. Ended up as a stalemate. He couldn't hit me coz' I was too fast, I couldn't hit him through his armour. We both got tired eventually.'

'And you're friends now?'

'Yeah. We got around to talking eventually.' Alex told her.

'Hold up you two.' Alex and Maya stopped and looked at Jerri, who had his eyes fixed straight ahead as he stepped between them. 'I don't like the look of this…' He said as he turned left slowly, observing the landscape. They were on top of a hill. A small hill. To the south was some kind of destroyed school, east was a rather conspicuous stack of destroyed cars, then on the west there was the remains of an old house, now burnt and destroyed.

'What's wrong?' Alex asked as he surveyed the area also.

'Look at those cars.' Jerri said as he pointed the groups attention at the stack of cars to the east.

'Pretty nice rides.' Jaiden said with a sarcastic nod. 'Too bad they're dead… just like every other fucking car we find, what's so interesting about these?'

'There's almost no snow on top.' Jerri said quietly, cocking his head as he though he heard something. 'The snow should have settled on them, it hasn't. Somebody's cleared the snow off recently.'

'Recently?' Alex edged forwards as one hand went over his shoulder for his weapon.

'Last five minutes.' Jaiden caught the message first. He reached over his shoulder and removed his super sledge as he knelt just beside Jerri, placing it on the ground just before him and unstrapping his heavy incinerator and pointing it east towards the cars. Alex yanked his chainsword free and placed it in front of himself on the ground as he knelt facing west, then removed his dart gun and SMG, ready for use. Shirley took south with chewy standing beside him, placing his combat shotgun and knife in front of him on the snow, kneeling for better accuracy and took his "lim-stikur" (railway rifle) off his back to use. Drew took north, the way they had come.

'Shit! My fucking fingers don't fit around the fucking trigger!' He barked as he tried to hold his Chinese assault rifle but failed miserably. His hands had grown too much.

'Just use the shishkebab.' Jerri instructed as he stood beside Maya, in the centre of the circle the others had made around him and had his rifle ready. 'They might not even come from your direction anyway.'

'Not fair.' And so the formation was (sort of, drew was kinda ruining it) complete. The four other men in a circle around Jerri. Jerri would snipe targets of value as they approached from multiple directions, while the men around him would shoot at targets coming from their side. If a hostile got too close, the person on that side would drop their weapon and grab their close-quarters weapon (shotgun, super sledge, chainsword) and kill the crap out of them.

'WHUT THE FURK IS THAT THANG?' Shirley yelled as something burst out the window of the school and landed on the snow, glaring at him with eyes hidden under a messy patchy white hood.

'There's more of them!' Jaiden cried as he unleashed a volley of fireballs into the things that jumped out from behind the cars. 'And there's less of them!' He victory punched the air as he watched their bodies flying off to all sides as fireballs landed in the middle of them and scattered their ranks.

'Stay down!' Jerri advised Maya as he raised his sniper and picked one off from the north. A number of the things carried a pistol in one hand and a knife in the other, while some toted assault rifles and were rather generous with their ammunition. But they were still the same piss-poor shots without any training, like most raiders save some of the professional groups. These raiders however, wore white garbs to blend with the snow, and hoods over their heads. Alex bent a bit lower as bullets whizzed overhead, and fired a dart into a distant one, hitting him in the face. The thing slowed down all of a sudden as the poison set to work immediately, numbing his legs and neutralising his ability to run.

Shirley meanwhile, was having fun. He just loved the way that when you fired a spike, it would just fly towards them and stab right through, and you could just watch their heads fly off their bodies and stick into walls, leaving their head just hanging by it. Through this method he was able to identify a few of his foes as animal creatures by how fucked up they looked.

Drew however, was not having fun. Nobody approached from the north, and all he had to use was a shishkebab which he could barely hold anymore. He simply watched the others as they sprayed their targets with lead… well… Alex did. Jaiden had his fire thingy and Shirley with… whatever metal those spikes were made of.

'CQB!' Jerri shouted as he drew his pistol and knife, dropping his sniper at his feet.

'FURK YES!' Shirley released his railway rifle and swapped it for his shotgun. 'WHO WANTS A PIECE OF THIS SHIT!' He roared as the things charged at him (though, wary of the big-ass motherfucking thing behind him). 'HOOOOOEEEEEY!' He called as he hip-fired into the first, mangling its body in a bloody rain of shrapnel.

'HERE'S THE HEAVY METAL!' Alex yelled, swinging his chainsword into a shit-scared thing with unnecessarily ruthless force, shearing it clear in half as blood splattered everywhere.

'HAAAAH!' Jaiden roared as he swung his sledge down on a conveniently short thing, cracking its skull with the impact force.

'HEY GUYS!' Alex cried as he ran after the fleeing things. 'Take care of the chick I'll be right back…' He trailed off as he charged in pursuit of his feeling foes. The chainsword often had that effect of making enemies run away. The other things, whatever was left of them, had obviously decided it wasn't worth continuing this, and retreated as not to get slaughtered.

'And that missy,' Shirley began to Maya as he replaced his weapons, 'is how shotgun diplomacy works. Kill all the motherfuckers until there ain't none left t' neg-whatsiate with.'

'Negotiate?' Jerri offered.

''s the one.' Shirley snapped his fingers together with approval.

'Hey tank.' Jaiden turned around to find the massive frame of drew standing over him.

'Oh… hey drew.' He murmured as the sun was blocked out by drew. 'What's going on?'

'Trade?' Drew offered his shishkebab in one hand.

'For the sledge?' Jaiden recoiled in shock, knowing how much drew loved stabbing shit. 'But you love stabbing shit!'

'I can barely fucking hold the thing now, my hands are too fucking big!' He growled as he looked down at them. 'I figured I should probably get around to loving smashing shit. Be a shame to put this strength to waste.' Jaiden looked down at the sledge he held in his hands. He didn't actually use it all that much, and when he did it was a little bulky to use in a tight situation, even for him. And plus, he liked fire… Drew was offering him a firesword.

'All right then.' Jaiden spun the sledge in his hands and held it hear the head, offering the handle to Drew. Drew took the handle and deposited his shishkebab beside Jaiden, walking off and inspecting his new weapon. 'Huh…' Jaiden looked the blade over. 'Cool.'

'Blades' back!' Alex called as he scarpered back into sight down a little hill, holding one of the thing's clothing in a bundle in his arms. 'Back again. Blades' back.' He grinned as he approached the group. 'Tell a friend.' He looked at Jaiden with a happy smile. 'I'm back.'

'Hi blades.' Jaiden threw Alex a dumb smile. 'Where you been?'

'Chainsaw'n bro.' He grinned even wider with a short nod.

'Hey guys!' The group turned to Shirley as he came back from the school building, a number of bloody spikes under his left arm and holding a mutilated head (he had probably yanked a spike out of it, by the looks of things) high for all to see in his right hand. 'Who's that Pokémon?' Alex and Jaiden laughed, knowing what he was talking about. Shirley had once found these old tapes about weird-ass magical animal things that fought each other, and showed it to them. However, that was in the B.D. age, and the B.J. age, when it was just the three of them and Chewy, Shirley's dog. There wasn't Drew, and there wasn't Jerri.

'Just look away for a second guys…' Alex began as he turned around and moved to the side of the group, dropping the bundle of clothes on the ground. 'I'm gonna change into something that goes better with my fur.' He liked saying that. "My fur." The others looked away as he dropped his pants, since having underwear there days was a privilege and they were rarely found. Just In case though, Alex's tail came up behind him to block out view.

'OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHERE THE FUCK'S MY DICK GONE!'

Everybody burst into a wild fit of laughter, save Maya. Even Jerri was laughing.

'Told you guys it was probably small.' Jaiden laughed as he nudged Shirley

'FUCK YOU THIS ISN'T EVEN FUCKING FUNNY MAN!' Alex shot back as he turned around. 'It actually isn't there!' Jerri was the first to finally stop his laughing, and held up a calming hand.

'Okay…' He said breathlessly. 'Okay hold on… since I'm the most mature one here, I'll go help him look.' The others only laughed harder, almost causing Jerri to burst out again as he turned to finally look at Alex. He gave Alex a confused look as he approached, feeling awkward. 'Wow, he's right. There's literally nothing there.' Alex whined a bit as he looked down and his tail hung again. The rest of the group finally ventured a look themselves.

'Whut the furk?'

'I'll be fucking damned.'

'You sure it's not just really small?' Alex gave Jaiden the kind of glare had had a number of times today. The "that's not cool" glare, and Jaiden shut up.

'Damn, sucks to be you right now.' Drew grunted, and then suddenly felt a little strange himself.

'Aaaw shiiiiiiit!' Alex moaned with despair, throwing his head back. 'Fuck this bro! This isn't cool anymore, I want to be human again…'

'It's inside.' The group had almost forgotten Maya standing behind them, blushing a bit. 'It's… it's just inside your body, isn't it? Retracted?'

'Retracted?' Alex threw back curiously. 'What I can do that?'

'Well… all males except humans.'

'Oh…' Alex looked down once again, feeling dumb and embarrassed. He quickly reached down and pulled a pair of white trousers on. 'Sweet… That… would explain a lot… thanks…'

'Well I didn't need to know that…' Jaiden murmured as the group turned away and headed back for where their backpacks were.

'I'm assuming that this is Springvale school.' Jerri said as he looked at the school. 'So megaton must be close by.'

'It's over that ridge and down a hill.' Maya explained as she pointed south.

'Whut about the school?' Shirley asked. 'Them little things ran in there, I wanna kill them.'

'Yeah. We could do some scavenging.' Jaiden added. 'They'll probably have some food and meds in there, as well as ammunition.'

'Fuck yeah! Close quarters motherfuckers!' Alex jumped with his victory punch, ready for some more action.

'Well you won't be able to come.'

'WHAT?' Alex's face hung with his tail.

'You've gotta babysit the girl out here.' Jaiden grinned cruelly.

'Aaww! C'mon man! That's not fair!'

'He's right Alex.' Jerri said as he took his sniper from his back. 'You wanted a prisoner, you got one. Look after her or drag her inside after you to get killed.'

'Aww…' Alex fell over and landed sitting down. 'Gutted.'

'Ready to kill some shit Shirley?' Jaiden asked as he got a feel for his shishkebab, running his hand along the yet-to-be-lit blade.

'Furk yes.' Shirley replied with a toothy grin. Drew grunted and headed for the door. He swung the sledge and bashed the doors clear off their hinges, making an entrance to the school.

'Looks like we don't need to pick locks anymore.' Jerri commented as he followed after Drew inside. He didn't like CQB sniping, but his rifle would be more effective still than his pistol. The pistol was primarily used for sneak attacks, since it was silenced. These raider things knew they were there.

'Here we go then.'

'Hold up man.' Jaiden stopped short as Shirley entered through the doorway. He watched as Alex reached over his shoulder and took his chainsword. 'Fuck Drew's little toy, you need a real blade.' Jaiden caught the weapon in one hand as Alex tossed it to him, gazing at it with fascination.

'Wow… thanks.' Jaiden said with a giant grin.

'Somebody has to be the chainsaw bitch. Save you other pussies when shit hits the fan.' Alex threw after him as he entered. Jaiden weighed it up as he slowly stalked through the hallways. The way Alex swung it around he would have expected it to be much lighter…

'Contact!' Came a rough call from drew, then the sound of metal striking metal. Jaiden rounded the corner to find raiders pouring from doorways left right and centre, swarming around Drew as he struggled against them in such a confined space. His hammer was getting caught on the wall as he tried to swing it widely.

'FURKING RAIDERS!' Shirley fired a shell with each word, each shot connecting as me moved in closer to Drew's aid, Chewy diving at the raiders from beside him. Drew gave up on using the hammer in such a situation, and swung a massive leg out and kicked the things away, allowing chewy to finish them on the ground. Jerri picked of targets swarming around Drew who were stabbing him and attacking with bats.

'Tank!' Jaiden stopped and spun to Jerri standing in the corner of the corridors. 'Flanking to my right!' Jaiden charged back in Jerri's direction as he revved the chainsword. He couldn't see it, but he figured the raider was running for Jerri. 'Hurry up dammit he's right-' Jaiden swung the chainsword around the corner just as the raider leapt out at Jerri. The chainsword slammed messily into the raider's throat, surprising him with a brutal clothesline and cleaving right through the neck, bone, sinew and all that shit. The raider's body fell forwards with his momentum and collapsed in front of Jerri as he continued to fire at the primary raider force. The raider's hooded head actually went flying past Jerri's barrel as he fired, and exploded everywhere. Jaiden stormed around the corner with the chainsword raised, running straight into a very shitscared group of raiders who thought they were in for an easy kill on a preoccupied sniper. They skidded on the floor as they tried to turn and run, but Jaiden rushed straight through the middle, slicing all four of them in half across the torso with one giant slice, and skidded to a halt as a raider slammed a solid wood door just behind him. Jaiden walked past the door slowly but curiously, staring at it suspiciously. There was no window, but he grinned as he saw a hint of movement in a shadow cast from under the door.

'Gotcha!' He drew the blade back as he revved it, then stabbed it straight through the doorway as it tore wood away and penetrated through. He held it for a second then ripped it out, yanking the door open. As the door swung outwards a dead raider fell out, a massive gaping bloody cavity in his stomach going right through, there the blade had gone through. Jaiden ran inside as the last raider in the room lifted his assault rifle. Jaiden kicked out quickly, knocking the gun upwards as the raider fired and the bullets pounded the roof. Jaiden swung the chainsword down as the raider stumbled backwards, and landed it on his head fiercely. He forced it down as the raiders body jerked and convulsed for a second, then the body fell to the floor with the top half of the skull shattered. Jaiden's arm holding the chainsword dropped to his side as he fell against the wall, wiping his forehead below his bandana with his free hand. He found his hand covered in blood afterwards. Blood had sprayed all over his face. He pulled himself upright eventually and dawdled out into the corridor to find his comrades had finished. Drew was bloody and bitter looking, swearing under his breath. Jerri had blood streaming from his chin. Shirley looked in good spirits.

'Have yerself a good run Tank?' Shirley asked with a grin, tapping his shotgun happily with his fingers. Jaiden shook his head breathlessly with his own grin.

'You have no idea.' He murmured as he fell against the wall beside his comrades. 'What happened to you guys? You get shot?' Drew and Jerri shook their heads.

'Fucking little bastards kept fucking stabbing me!' Drew grumbled angrily as he banged his fist against the wall.

'Got hit by a skull fragment.' Jerri explained. 'That raider's head. Got in the way of my shot, skull exploded from the force of the shot and a bit grazed my chin.'

'Tough luck.'

'YOU PACK OF CUNTS GET THE FUCK OUT HERE!' Everybody shot for the exit clumsily as Alex screamed at them. They burst outside to find another half-dozen dead raiders bleeding on the ground, and Alex running past them in a blur. He was going for a raider firing at him from around a corner and leapt at him. He outurned his hands, both wearing deathclaw gauntlets (if you've never played fallout (you should), these glove things you wear on your arm with massive claws sticking out) and stabbed them both into the raider's stomach. He then pulled with his strength and ripped his hands outwards, ripping the raider's entire chest open and dislocating every rib he had as blood rained over him. Alex shot around the corner as another two came. He threw a razor-punch at the first as he ran past him, skewering his on the blades as he ducked around him, then threw the other hand into the second's throat, sticking two claws right through and then yanking both claws free of his victims. 'Took your sweet fucking time bitches.' Alex muttered as he emerged from around the corner. 'You can come out now.' The group turned towards where Alex directed his voice, and saw the vixen emerge from behind a small hill. She looked a bit jumpy and scared of course.

'What happened?' Jerri demanded as Alex held a hand to Jaiden, who passed him his chainsword.

'You kill'm good my man?' Alex asked him with a grin as he wiped some blood from his face. Jaiden returned a maniacal grin and nodded.

'Fuck yeah. One decapitation, four cut in half, one through the stomach and one with half his skull shattered.' Alex nodded back.

'Not bad mate.' He looked at Jerri. 'Mo-fos jumped us shortly after you guys went in. Saw them in time and got my gloves on. Didn't stand a chance.' He added immodestly. Alex was strong, and he was fast. He could charge down targets with such amazing speed that ten metres could be classified as a close-quarters situation. And now since he was this fox thing, he was faster. And he was stronger. Being foxy was cool again.

The team took half an hour to search through the school building for anything of interest. Alex found a couple of stragglers who he quickly dispatched through some heavy punches and finished with his chainsword. The team gathered all they found of interest, food, water, equipment such as weapons ammo and misc., and placed them in their backpacks, which they then threw at Drew to carry since he was now designated "equipment bitch". Alex threw him some caps to stop him from grumbling, which he took happily. The team's backpacks weren't much of a load now to him, he was the size of a super mutant. Then they were on the road again for another solid ten minutes.

'Megaton is just over here.' Maya told them as she headed up a small hill. Alex followed behind her as she stood at the top and pointed at something far downhill. Alex reached the top after her, and he almost fell over.

'Jerri…?' He began as he raised a shaking arm to point down the hill. 'We definitely aren't in our wasteland anymore.'

'Well no shit.' Jaiden called back. 'How'd you figure that out?'

'That's not megaton.' Alex said quietly as he gaped. The other four men arrived at the same time, and they knew something was wrong as soon as they saw buildings above the crest of the hill. They all stopped short of breath as they reached the top, gaping and staring down the giant hill to what lay before them at the bottom.

'OH…'

'MY…'

'FUCKING…'

'HOLEY SHIT IT'S A FURK'N BIGASS FURKING CITAY!'

'Arf?'

'It's a metropolis…' Jerri shook his head disbelievingly. Surely his eyes were deceiving him.

'Wait, hold on…' Jaiden stepped forwards, pointing at one of two giant things in front of the city. 'I know what that is!' He announced with shock. 'Those are Enclave Mobile Base Crawlers!'

That was fun

Next up, JAIDENTIME!


End file.
